Redeeming Snape
by too-much-like-Luna
Summary: Severus never expected an afterlife, but when he wakes with his last memory being of dying, he's not as surprised as he should be to find out that to get into the afterlife he must be visited by people and memories of his past, and feel true remorse.
1. Chapter 1

**Redeeming Snape**

**Chapter One: Life After Life**

When Lily and Severus were twelve Lily's cat had died. A very over-emotional Lily had asked a rather embarrassed and uncomfortable Severus whether he believed in Heaven.

He hadn't. Still didn't.

But unable to cause Lily anymore unhappiness, the young Severus had lied in order to give her hope. And, besides, it was a _cat, _and there was no harm in wishing it an afterlife.

On the Halloween night the Potters were killed Severus saw a stray cat killed by a newly recruited Death-Eater, eager to show his "daring." Severus had immediately remembered old lie and had almost unconsciously wished the cat well in her next life.

It wasn't until later, when, in Dumbledore's office, he had been told what else had happened that ill-fated night, that Severus had realized the true irony of the cat's death, and his wish.

After Lily's death he had begun to believe in a Heaven –or at the very least something resembling the Muggle ideal—for certain people. Lily was there, and, though Severus never really thought about it, he supposed Potter must be there as well, to make Lily happy.

Severus Snape had long ago come to the logical conclusion that he would never join them there. In fact, he wasn't sure he wanted to. After all, if the legends were to be believed, then Heaven was endless and you never wanted for anything. Watching Lily and Potter acting like lovesick teenagers for the rest of eternity was not Severus' idea of a happily ever after.

So when Severus awoke with his last memory being of death, he wasn't exactly happy.

He had never been a man to act irrationally so when he sat up and found himself in a large room filled with white fog he did not start screaming and tearing his hair out... even though he was sorely tempted to do so. After all, once you died, was there any reason to care if you were half bald?

The room was larger and taller than the Great Hall of Hogwarts, Severus could see that as the fog shifted, and there was a door in a corner. It didn't open when Severus tried, and he wasn't surprised. They never did, in tales.

"Severus"

Perfect. Now he was hallucinating as well.

"Severus."

No. He hadn't heard that voice coming out of anything but a portrait since he killed its living counterpart and sent it hurtling off the Astronomy Tower.

"Severus, my boy. Turn Around."

Why? So he could see the proof of his hallucinations? He jumped a foot when a hand touched his shoulder. Hallucinations were supposed to be transparent. Not that Severus knew personally.

"Severus, it's all right. Turn around."

Maybe if he turned and realized that no-one was there his hallucination would go away. Severus turned. It didn't work.

"Albus."

His old protector smiled at him, blue eyes twinkling madly. Even a wizarding portrait couldn't quite catch that special sparkle in the eyes that was all Albus. Except...this was a much younger version of Albus than Severus had ever seen.

"I died...didn't I?"

"Yes, Severus."

Severus nodded. It was more likely than suffering from hallucinations.

"So you're not a hallucination." Because really, if he _was _still halucinating, there was nothing to say he couldn't carry it a step further and hallucinate his own death.

"I assure you, I am quite real. Just as substantial as you are."

Which, Severus considered, didn't really make sense because they were both dead, and ghosts are not substantial. He took it in stride, because really, he had no idea what to expect now that he seemed to have found himself granted an afterlife.

"Why am I here?"

"This is one of the Holding Rooms."

Severus raised his eyebrows, silently demanding more information.

"No one is denied entrance into the afterlife if they can feel true remorse for their past actions. Those who can are allowed to open the door and step out, forgiven." Albus' face grew sad. "Remorse is a terrible thing to live with, and sometimes the people who step out have a harder time than those who don't." Albus glanced over his shoulder, into the fog, where a handsome, mischievous looking man with bright golden hair stood, apparently waiting for Albus to return.

"And those who can't?"

"They become cursed beings for all of eternity. There is nothing to be done to help them."

Severus nodded. Perhaps it was from post-traumatic shock, but he seemed to find nothing surprising.

"You're just supposed to feel remorse?"

"Oh no, my dear boy. You shall be visited by people of your past, perhaps be shown other people's memories. I am the Messenger. The others will be following soon. Once you have met with all the people, if you truly feel remorse, you will be able to open the door. It is time for me to go, Severus. Good luck. I shall be waiting for you on the other side."

Albus had always had an illogical amount of faith in Severus.


	2. Childhood

**Merry Christmas.**

**Chapter Two-Childhood:**

Severus hadn't learnt about magic until he was four, on an otherwise nondescript day. He and his mother had gone on a walk, Severus had been eager to go explore the woods a short distance from their home, and Eileen had decided that there was no danger in taking a longer walk, as Tobias was not supposed to be home for a while yet. The sun was shining, and she allowed Severus to run ahead, confident she would be able to see him, even through the dense branches.

Severus would remember how he found a clearing a short way into the forest, and had stopped, entranced by the way the sun glinted off the coats of two wolf puppies. He didn't notice the mother wolf stalking towards him through the tall grass beside him until it was too late. He was lucky; Severus thought later, that the wolf did not attack him with her teeth. With unsheathed claws, it had raked its claws down his back, leaving deep scratch marks from his right shoulder to left hip. Alerted by his scream, Eileen had ran forward, and pulled out the wand she hadn't used in front of anyone else in years, but kept with her just in case. She reached the clearing in time to shield her son against the wolf's next attack with a well placed spell. She scared the wolves off with a loud crack from her wand, and fell to her knees beside her son, who had fallen to the ground.

Severus had been lucid enough to realize his mother was doing something to make the pain stop, and the wounds he could certainly feel but could not see knit back together again. He saw her wand, before she put it away, and knew what it was from an illustration of a wizard he had seen in a ratty, torn copy of a fairy-tale his mother had smuggled to him.

After healing her son's wounds Eileen had taken his hand and they had walked back to their home. Severus did not say that he had seen her wand, and Eileen did not think to warn him against saying anything of what had happened to his father.

It was later than Eileen had hoped it would be, and Tobias was already home, and angry that his wife wasn't there to make him supper.

As Eileen scurried into the kitchen, Severus had started babbling about the wolf, and had shown the scar from its claws, and had asked, wasn't it just _so_ great that mum had a magic wand, like the wizard in the drawings?

A very confused Severus had been slapped hard on both cheeks, been told there was no such thing as magic, that he was never to speak of such a thing again, and to go to bed without supper, hunger be damned.

The next time Severus saw his mother; she had a black eye, a bruise on her cheek bone and had covered the rest of the body from wrist to ankle.

That was the first clue that would, long before any child should lose the illusion that adults are perfect, lead Severus to the realization that his father cared more for normalcy than the lives of his wife and son.

* * *

The grey fog swirled around the room. Severus had abandoned looking at the door—he had a feeling his next visitor would have no need to use it. An instinctual urge had made him stand in a corner where he could observe what little of the room he could make out through the fog.

Severus wondered how other men and women fared in his place. For him, it was just another challenge, another obstacle in his path. Did other men give into the urge to scream, to hyper-ventilate? Did they pace around the room, desperately looking for a way out? Severus had learnt to resist those urges long ago.

Severus knew he had a strong disposition to not forgive. But he had often felt regret for his actions. Was that not enough? Remembering wrongs committed against you was a part of human nature. Even more, it was a rather large part of Severus' nature. His whole life (and how odd it was, to realize his 'life' was now past-tense!) often seemed but the work of actions taken because of the grudges he held.

The fog settled into the middle of the room, leaving the edges clear. The mist seemed to grow denser and started to swirl in circles, creating a cyclone in the middle of the room that didn't move from its spot. Severus had the oddest feeling that he should be frightened, but couldn't quite muster up enough energy.

The fog swirled with increasing urgency, until it seemed to explode silently, and the fog blew towards the walls and dissipated completely. Where the middle of the cyclone had been stood two very tall wizards in white robes. Despite their apparent age, both wizards had dark brown hair, and, when they walked toward Severus, he saw they walked with the agility of young men. When they spoke their words reverberated around the confined space.

"Severus Snape," the taller of the two men said "we are the Guardians of the Holding Rooms. We were here from the beginning of time, and before the beginning of magic. We will still be here when they end."

Severus wondered whether it was possible the man had ever had human children. Surely Lockhart was pompous enough to be a descendant?

The other Guardian spoke now. "You have died," _I hadn't noticed, _thought Severus sarcastically, "and been brought to this Holding Room to see if you can be Redeemed." The capitalization was obvious.

"Soon, you will view memories—most your own—and may have a chance to speak with some of the people of your past. After each person, you will be given time to think. If you are Redeemed, you move forward. If not, you stay here until the Others collect you. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

*** *** ***

When Severus was ten, there were two months in which he did not see his father. Such occurrences weren't infrequent, but never before then had Tobias been gone so long.

After seven weeks young Severus had been helping his mother in their garden when he asked a question that he would remember the answer to forever.

"Why do you stay with him, Mum?"

Eileen had sat back on her knees and stared at the blue sky above them. Severus would remember how her hair was shiny in the sunlight, and how sweat had stuck little tendrils of it to her face.

"I love him, Severus. He is the only family left to me."

Severus remembered her answer when the beatings got particularly bad, or when they didn't have enough to eat. But when Severus was sixteen and Tobias killed Eileen in a fit of drunken rage, Severus had decided that no matter how much love Eileen had once felt for Tobias, she should have left him long ago, and taken Severus with her.

Severus never forgave her for staying.

*** *** ***

When the two men disappeared, someone else took their place.

Severus was mildly surprised to have to look down to meet his mother's eyes.

"Oh Severus." She said, and for the first time in his life Severus saw his mother's eyes fill with tears not caused by physical pain.

**AN: My updating time sucks, I know. But I would really appreciate it if you reviewed anyway... please? For Christmas cheer?**


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